Tired, Tired, Tired

of being single.

In reality, I have had 4 boyfriends in the past. The first was 10 months long, the others not even reaching a month. I've had my share of crushes. But now, I have been single since Last september. It's been almost a year. Why am I single?

I want to be with somebody. It's not like I'm desperate enough to be with somebody just for the sake of being with someone. I want to be with someone I care about, and I do care about a couple people alot right now. It's just that, they don't see me. I'm invisible to them.

Take Justin for example. My bestfriend all through elementary school, and mostly through middle school. Once he came out after I did in 9th grade, he and I have faded apart, and we'll never be the same we used to. But I've always had a crush on him, even from middle school. He's had crushes on me also, it just seems we are never available when we want to be. So nothing has ever worked out between us. I've told him many times that I have feelings for him, and he'll just say "aw" or something, but that's it. Last year when he told me he liked me, I asked him if he actaully wanted to have a relationship with me. He turned around and said he wanted to try things with his current "boyfriend" before he answered that question. I'll probably never lose feelings for him, they're too strong and they have been here for too long. I just wish, someday, he can see me the way I see him.

And my exboyfriend Ron. He's completely changed since we were together. He's not the same person anymore and I can't really find a trace of the old one in him. That's why we don't work out anymore, we've both changed. Personally, I believe that I am mostly the same person, because I haven't changed that much about me since. But he has completely changed his interest, morals, and personality for the most part. It hurts me to see him only because I want to see the old him, but I can't. I'm just stubborn probably.

I don't have anything else to write about. I'm sad.