For Christmas, my best friend Elise got me this movie. It's funny - when we buy gifts for eachother, it's always something that we can do together and that we'll both use, so it's never just for the person we're buying the gift for.
Tonight, I went over to her house and we watched it. It was surprisingly good. The ending was a little different then I expected it to be, but there's an alternate version that came with it that I've yet to watch, so I'm hoping that there's a change in the ending in that version. But overall, so much fun. I'll probably watch it again tomorrow. Watch, it'll become my new found love or something soon haha.
Jay and I may hang out tomorrow, which I'm kind of excited for. I really want to go see Dreamgirls tomorrow but I just checked and the theatre here isn't showing it. I don't know why - maybe they'll have it soon. I know that they didn't have Brokeback Mountain though when it was out. I had to go about an hour away just to see that movie. It was worth it though. Anyway, I'm excited to hang out with him because then it might mean that Friday wasn't just a one night stand. Maybe a friendship or relationship will blossom for it. Who knows, right? I mean, we've been texting a lot since that night, which we've never done until now. So there's got to be something, right? I don't know.
What's the best present you gave this year?
I'd say the best present I gave this year was for my sister. My sister is pregnant and is due in April i believe. So I got her supplies to make a baby scrapbook. It's not a baby book, because her boyfriend got her that and I wanted mine to be more long term. I got her stickers, a glue stick, about 10 pages, and the book, and individually wrapped each of them so she'd have to piece it together. I thought it was cute haha.
I'm actually making this up because I thought that it'd be interesting.
Open up your itunes, and put your songs in order of Play Count. List the top 10 songs you play the most on your ipod (or on your computer)
I'm doing mine by the songs on my ipod because it's plugged in right now.
1. Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung
2. Be Like The Bluebird - Anything Goes
3. Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson
4. The One I'm Waiting For - Relient K
5. I Speak Six Languages - The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
6. One Two Step - Ciara
7. Bad Day - Daniel Powter
8. Which To Bury, Us Or the Hatchet? - Relient K
9. Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
10. My Friend, The Dictionary - The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.
Now put this in your livejournal with your top 10 played songs!
I don't really write in here anymore. It seems like it's really only when I don't' want to write in my real journal, and when I don't want to write in Live journal and have to make it private.
Last night, I was very spontaneous and decided to go meet up with a friend in Franklinville. I decided to do this at about midnight last night, and I had to sneak out of my house in order to do it. I have only snuck out of my house once in my life and that was through my window without a car. This time I just walked right out and started my car in my drive way and pulled away. I had never actually met this guy before, but I have friends who know him. He turned 18 last night so he invited me over. At first I wasn't going to go because I didn't know anyone and I didn't want it to be awkward. But once I got there, he introduced me to the 3 people that were left, and 2 of them were already pretty drunk. I just sat down and watched them play asshole because I had never played it before. After they finished the game, one of the girls was already pretty plastered and was going crazy. She noticed that there was a blender and was yelling at Jay, my friend, because she wanted strawberry daqueris and he said he didn't have a blender. So I helped them make them, but we didn't have enough ice. So it was pretty much vodka with strawberry flavoring. It was okay, but not the best haha. We all went into the living room, and started watching some South Park movie, and Jay and I made out. It was really random, as I didn't even really know him, but it was just a moment thing. But it didn't end there. We cuddled and made out for the rest of the night. We didn't go any further than that, because he didn't want to move fast and neither did I. We just slept together for a little while.
I had to leave at 7 this morning so that I could get home around 7:30, maybe getting home before my parents woke up. And surprise surprise, they were still asleep. I still cannot believe that I got away with sneaking out of my house, going and getting pretty buzzed, and driving home before they wake up. (I was not drunk driving, my buzz was completely gone when I left). I like being spontaneous like this.
But it's sort of odd. Because I do like this Jay guy. I dont' really know him, but last night he was so sweet and I cannot wait for us to hang out again, which will probably be pretty soon. But what about Justin? I mean, this is totally different as Jay lives 40 minutes away, Justin lives 6 hours away. But a part of me is still attached to him and it bothers me because now I'm liking this other guy. Well, It's not like me and Justin are together anyway. He basically broke my heart when we were at all state, i don't belong to him and he can't control my feelings. He was the one who didn't want to talk as much as we used to, so that's what we're doing. It took me about a month to get over what had happened between us, and now that I"m moving on, why should I feel guilty.
This post is really all over the place. I need to go get ready now. I have a church service rehearsal today. I'm excited to see my friends that will be in the bell choir with me haha.
I did it.
I wrote my two weeks notice letter. I went in to work today to talk to my boss. But huh? She wasn't there. So I left it on her desk, and on the back of the envelope I wrote "I will be in tomorrow to discuss this". I hope she read it, so we don't have to really talk tomorrow (haha).
All State is on Thursday, and I cannot wait.
And something weird happened tonight. Here's a little back story first. So, there's this guy going to All State and we've been talking on the phone a lot lately. We've really grown to like eachother a lot, and I'm pretty sure we'll.. uh.. hook up.. when we're at All State. He's probably someone I can see myself being with for a long time. Except he lives in Long Island. And we've fought already. One night he was looking at my myspace and he noticed how a lot of guys comment me and leave me picture comments or whatever, and he got jealous. And he wanted to know if I was really interested in him, and he wanted to know that he was the one that I wanted to be with and everything, which I thought was kind of cute (but sort of annoying).
So with that in mind
My ex boyfriend Ron and I have been hooking up a little bit lately. Well, only twice really. We usually go a long time without talking, and then we hang out and we end up back in his dorm and I spend the night. We haven't talked in a long time like usual, and he asked me to spend the night tonight. And I told him I would answer him later.
So when I did get to talk to him, I told him no. He asked why, and I said now just wasn't the time. And it's all because of Justin (the All State guy). He was in the back of my mind when I was thinking about spending the night at Ron's, and I've noticed how I really just want to give this a try before I ruin it. Does that even make sense?
of being single.
In reality, I have had 4 boyfriends in the past. The first was 10 months long, the others not even reaching a month. I've had my share of crushes. But now, I have been single since Last september. It's been almost a year. Why am I single?
I want to be with somebody. It's not like I'm desperate enough to be with somebody just for the sake of being with someone. I want to be with someone I care about, and I do care about a couple people alot right now. It's just that, they don't see me. I'm invisible to them.
Take Justin for example. My bestfriend all through elementary school, and mostly through middle school. Once he came out after I did in 9th grade, he and I have faded apart, and we'll never be the same we used to. But I've always had a crush on him, even from middle school. He's had crushes on me also, it just seems we are never available when we want to be. So nothing has ever worked out between us. I've told him many times that I have feelings for him, and he'll just say "aw" or something, but that's it. Last year when he told me he liked me, I asked him if he actaully wanted to have a relationship with me. He turned around and said he wanted to try things with his current "boyfriend" before he answered that question. I'll probably never lose feelings for him, they're too strong and they have been here for too long. I just wish, someday, he can see me the way I see him.
And my exboyfriend Ron. He's completely changed since we were together. He's not the same person anymore and I can't really find a trace of the old one in him. That's why we don't work out anymore, we've both changed. Personally, I believe that I am mostly the same person, because I haven't changed that much about me since. But he has completely changed his interest, morals, and personality for the most part. It hurts me to see him only because I want to see the old him, but I can't. I'm just stubborn probably.
I don't have anything else to write about. I'm sad.
What's your favorite radio station, past or present?
My favorite radio station is 88.3, The Buzz. It is St. Bonaventure University's college radio station, and it is actually the number 2 college radio station in the country. I like it because it plays a lot of alternative rock music and there's rap at night, which is fun to listen to with your friends. We have a local radio station here, 101.5 The Mix, but they always play the new music, but a lot of the old music that I just get tired of.
So, it's been about a month and a half since I last wrote in here. If anyone actually reads this blog, I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I've been SO busy. I'm always busy.
Let's see where I last left off. This may be a long entry.
Homecoming. Well we finished our float, and ended coming up in 2nd in the competition. The Juniors got first, as they made a HUMUNGEOUS float. It was kind of too big, I think. But that's just because I'm bitter that we didn't coming in first. We lost the football game, as expected. I had to skip the parade because I had strep throat. Hm... Oh yeah. So I asked Cody to homecoming and he said yes. The day of homecoming, I called him and told him how a bunch of my friends were going to go out to dinner and then back to my friend Adrienne's house for pictures. He said sure, that'd be great. But then later, he told me how all his clothes were out in Allegany at his friends house, so he'd just meet me at the dance. So we go to dinner and do the whole picture thing. We get to the dance, and I see Cody. We hug and say hello and whatever. We get in the dance - He dissappears. And that's how it was for the rest of the dance. He would randomly show up wherever I was dancing and would dance for less than a minute, and then would go somewhere else. Him and I started slow dancing for a little bit, and then randomly, he just walked away. I was so upset about the whole thing. Later, I found out he said that it was awkward dancing with me. Well, if that is how he felt, I'd rather he just say that to my face, than just walking away. As of date, him and I haven't talked since. And I'm glad, as last week he was suspended for selling drugs to the sophomore class. Sucks to be him.
I'm still working on College applications. I'm only applying to 4 schools because my parents don't want to spend the money on applying. So I've applied to Suny Potsdam, Buffalo State, and Suny Fredonia. I'm also applying to Eastman (University of Rochester). I have been accepted to Potsdam already, and I am going to their open house this coming saturday. I should find out about Fredonia soon. I still have a form to send in to Buff State, because my chorus teacher has YET to write me a reccomendation for it. I've been asking all week, but oh well. I need to start concentrating on auditions. For Fredonia, they want me to sing 4 songs, Potsdam wants 2, as does Buff State. Eastman is a little more complicated. I have to make a cd with a couple songs on it, and send it in with my application. They will listen to it, and if they like it, THEN I go in and audition. If they don't like it, that I'm rejected, without even meeting me. I'm not really expecting to get into Eastman anyway, I just wanted to try.
And work. Work work work. They didn't schedule me at all last week, because I guess I asked for too many days off that week. We have this calander in the kitchen that you just write your name on the dates that you cannot work, and she'll work around your schedule. And lucky me, I have to work on our busiest days. I'm not getting payed well either, as I dont' get a lot of hours. I'm thinking about going down to Kmart today and applying there again, as my Mom said they're hiring. I just want to have a second job, or a new job for that matter.
And I think that covers what is going on at this point. I'll try to make a habit of writing in here, but I cannot promise anything :)
I never have time to write in here. Well, I havn't really wanted to, but now I have nothing else to do.
School is going okay. I hate psychology because my teacher is a complete bigot and is communist (i'm not being mean, I'm actually being honest). I usually only look forward to my free periods.
Homecoming is next friday, and we havn't even started building our float. We're working on it Friday and Sunday, and then probably everyday next week. I hope we can pull this off.
And I like this kid named Cody, but I havn't even really met him yet. He's in my study hall, except I don't go to study hall anymore because of Senior Privledges. But he's friends with my best friend Sarah so hopefully we'll get to hang out soon. I might ask him to go to Homecoming with me, but only if I get to know him really well. I want to, I just never get a chance to see him.
Work isn't that bad either, except for the lack that I don't work. Last week, they only scheduled me for Monday .This week, I'm scheduled for tonight and Saturday. My coworker and friend Eileen asked me if I could work for her on Sunday, so I get that extra day. But still, I'm concidering getting another job right now, only because I'm not saving any money because I'm not making any. I only get 3 hours tonight and maybe 5 on Saturday. What a lousy pay check, especially since it's a tipping job.
I'm just so full of complaints right now. I should've taken a nap when I came home from school today so that I'd be more relaxed right now.
Last night, I had a dream that I somehow made the football team. In reality, being on a football team is like my darkest secret and I have never told anyone about it. See, I'm always thinking of ways to break the gay steriotype that I sometimes feel I have. And I've always just wanted to learn how to play.
So yes, I was on the team. And I was quarterback. And there was only one play in my dream - somebody through it to me and I missed and it rolled to the endzone (on my teams side), so I ran toward it so I could fall onto it before the other team tries to take it. And I could see them all running, and I kept trying to get closer to the ball but for some reason it kept moving farther away from me. And I could see my coach shaking his head because he was dissappointed, so I lunged toward it and fell onto it. The announcer said that we got the touchdown, but nobody really cheered. And then the ref was talking to my coach and said that they just saw lightning, so that we had to end the game. And for some reason, all i could think about was taking myspace pictures with my gear on.
And that, my friends, is one of my weirdest dreams.
Maybe somebody, I'll send in a video to Made, asking them to make me into a football player.
