I did it.
I wrote my two weeks notice letter. I went in to work today to talk to my boss. But huh? She wasn't there. So I left it on her desk, and on the back of the envelope I wrote "I will be in tomorrow to discuss this". I hope she read it, so we don't have to really talk tomorrow (haha).
All State is on Thursday, and I cannot wait.
And something weird happened tonight. Here's a little back story first. So, there's this guy going to All State and we've been talking on the phone a lot lately. We've really grown to like eachother a lot, and I'm pretty sure we'll.. uh.. hook up.. when we're at All State. He's probably someone I can see myself being with for a long time. Except he lives in Long Island. And we've fought already. One night he was looking at my myspace and he noticed how a lot of guys comment me and leave me picture comments or whatever, and he got jealous. And he wanted to know if I was really interested in him, and he wanted to know that he was the one that I wanted to be with and everything, which I thought was kind of cute (but sort of annoying).
So with that in mind
My ex boyfriend Ron and I have been hooking up a little bit lately. Well, only twice really. We usually go a long time without talking, and then we hang out and we end up back in his dorm and I spend the night. We haven't talked in a long time like usual, and he asked me to spend the night tonight. And I told him I would answer him later.
So when I did get to talk to him, I told him no. He asked why, and I said now just wasn't the time. And it's all because of Justin (the All State guy). He was in the back of my mind when I was thinking about spending the night at Ron's, and I've noticed how I really just want to give this a try before I ruin it. Does that even make sense?
of being single.
In reality, I have had 4 boyfriends in the past. The first was 10 months long, the others not even reaching a month. I've had my share of crushes. But now, I have been single since Last september. It's been almost a year. Why am I single?
I want to be with somebody. It's not like I'm desperate enough to be with somebody just for the sake of being with someone. I want to be with someone I care about, and I do care about a couple people alot right now. It's just that, they don't see me. I'm invisible to them.
Take Justin for example. My bestfriend all through elementary school, and mostly through middle school. Once he came out after I did in 9th grade, he and I have faded apart, and we'll never be the same we used to. But I've always had a crush on him, even from middle school. He's had crushes on me also, it just seems we are never available when we want to be. So nothing has ever worked out between us. I've told him many times that I have feelings for him, and he'll just say "aw" or something, but that's it. Last year when he told me he liked me, I asked him if he actaully wanted to have a relationship with me. He turned around and said he wanted to try things with his current "boyfriend" before he answered that question. I'll probably never lose feelings for him, they're too strong and they have been here for too long. I just wish, someday, he can see me the way I see him.
And my exboyfriend Ron. He's completely changed since we were together. He's not the same person anymore and I can't really find a trace of the old one in him. That's why we don't work out anymore, we've both changed. Personally, I believe that I am mostly the same person, because I haven't changed that much about me since. But he has completely changed his interest, morals, and personality for the most part. It hurts me to see him only because I want to see the old him, but I can't. I'm just stubborn probably.
I don't have anything else to write about. I'm sad.
What's your favorite radio station, past or present?
My favorite radio station is 88.3, The Buzz. It is St. Bonaventure University's college radio station, and it is actually the number 2 college radio station in the country. I like it because it plays a lot of alternative rock music and there's rap at night, which is fun to listen to with your friends. We have a local radio station here, 101.5 The Mix, but they always play the new music, but a lot of the old music that I just get tired of.
So, it's been about a month and a half since I last wrote in here. If anyone actually reads this blog, I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I've been SO busy. I'm always busy.
Let's see where I last left off. This may be a long entry.
Homecoming. Well we finished our float, and ended coming up in 2nd in the competition. The Juniors got first, as they made a HUMUNGEOUS float. It was kind of too big, I think. But that's just because I'm bitter that we didn't coming in first. We lost the football game, as expected. I had to skip the parade because I had strep throat. Hm... Oh yeah. So I asked Cody to homecoming and he said yes. The day of homecoming, I called him and told him how a bunch of my friends were going to go out to dinner and then back to my friend Adrienne's house for pictures. He said sure, that'd be great. But then later, he told me how all his clothes were out in Allegany at his friends house, so he'd just meet me at the dance. So we go to dinner and do the whole picture thing. We get to the dance, and I see Cody. We hug and say hello and whatever. We get in the dance - He dissappears. And that's how it was for the rest of the dance. He would randomly show up wherever I was dancing and would dance for less than a minute, and then would go somewhere else. Him and I started slow dancing for a little bit, and then randomly, he just walked away. I was so upset about the whole thing. Later, I found out he said that it was awkward dancing with me. Well, if that is how he felt, I'd rather he just say that to my face, than just walking away. As of date, him and I haven't talked since. And I'm glad, as last week he was suspended for selling drugs to the sophomore class. Sucks to be him.
I'm still working on College applications. I'm only applying to 4 schools because my parents don't want to spend the money on applying. So I've applied to Suny Potsdam, Buffalo State, and Suny Fredonia. I'm also applying to Eastman (University of Rochester). I have been accepted to Potsdam already, and I am going to their open house this coming saturday. I should find out about Fredonia soon. I still have a form to send in to Buff State, because my chorus teacher has YET to write me a reccomendation for it. I've been asking all week, but oh well. I need to start concentrating on auditions. For Fredonia, they want me to sing 4 songs, Potsdam wants 2, as does Buff State. Eastman is a little more complicated. I have to make a cd with a couple songs on it, and send it in with my application. They will listen to it, and if they like it, THEN I go in and audition. If they don't like it, that I'm rejected, without even meeting me. I'm not really expecting to get into Eastman anyway, I just wanted to try.
And work. Work work work. They didn't schedule me at all last week, because I guess I asked for too many days off that week. We have this calander in the kitchen that you just write your name on the dates that you cannot work, and she'll work around your schedule. And lucky me, I have to work on our busiest days. I'm not getting payed well either, as I dont' get a lot of hours. I'm thinking about going down to Kmart today and applying there again, as my Mom said they're hiring. I just want to have a second job, or a new job for that matter.
And I think that covers what is going on at this point. I'll try to make a habit of writing in here, but I cannot promise anything :)
